The first post I wrote here was this , and a poem . "When Lonely comes to call "
I am re posting them here . and hoping to move forward with the blog in the future. i was very disillusioned , by its destruction , and had considered letting it go altogether , but something in me says we still have a ways to go with it . So please , be patient with the repetition. and hopefully we can go forward together , stronger than before
Insights
I read this quote online today and it struck me in a big way. How many other young women have heard this over and over again until they believed it to be true? And did the parents, teachers, other adults in the community and kids had an idea of the damaging effect?
“My whole life I thought that I was fat because family always said I was. Once, I asked for a snack and my mom replied “and you wonder why you’re so fat.” I was only 10. But looking back at pictures, I see I wasn’t fat, I was beautiful. Maybe if my family and kids at school hadn’t been cruel, I would have cared about how I looked. Then maybe I wouldn’t have been so discouraged. Now that I have friends who encourage me, I know that I can do it. I can lose this weight.”
Interesting how often that happens, whether it is good intentions or bad.
I was a child who, when ill lost weight at an alarming rate so my mother states she kept me chubby as an infant. I look at the picks of me as a child and really I was a cute kid, not rail thin, but certainly not fat. But the constant berating by others and, taught me to sneak food, and to feel like a fatty! And it worked; I gain a large amount of weight, topping out in my 20’s at 270 lbs! Add to this an undiagnosed case of PCOS weight loss has been a life long struggle. I have struggled to not gorge myself on “treats” and to eat sensibly, but ultimately food becomes a reward or a soothing balm for many of us who have felt different, ignored or unloved because of external forces whether it be family, friends or simple self loathing.
What makes a parent say that type of thing to a child?
I can understand children being mean to others, to some degree, but where to they get their ideas” at home. Have you ever said to your spouse or a friend,”look at that fat cow” or cute kid, but lordy! What are they feeding him/her CHUBBY!!!!!
Even babies are subjected to it, a mom with a particularly chubby baby will be told over and over they are feeding him/her too much by well intentioned bystanders. That mom goes on to further feed the fire, by reminding the child of what a fat baby they were! And how they better watch their weight!
My personal favourite was the parent eating ginormous portions of junk food and telling the child “when you are old enough to afford your own food you can have this too”
Guess what? first thing that kid does is learn to gorge themselves on crap food when they can lay their hands on it just because it was made out to be a great reward for being an adult !
I am not saying an unlimited supply of junk food or any food should be put in front of kids and they be allowed to go wild. Simply demystify it .Offer choices as always. And for heavens sake berating, demeaning, and embarrassing a child about their weight, well how is that working so far?