Choosing Grace over Judgement

 

Individuals living with mild to moderate brain injury don’t look any different than those without. Like many “hidden disorders” unless you know the person particularly well, AND are willing to see past your judgement , you will not notice some of the key features and understand why.

A brain injury is any injury to the brain that affects a person physically, emotionally or behaviorally. Brain injuries can happen at birth or may arise later from trauma or an illness. Depending on the cause, a brain injury is called either traumatic or non-traumatic.

Traumatic causes

·        Motor vehicle accidents 

·        Falls 

·        Violence or gunshot wound 

·        Military attack or bomb blast

·        Essentially any impact that causes a blow to the head

A non-traumatic brain injury may also be called an acquired brain injury or ABI. This type of brain injury is a result of an illness or condition within the body, and it is not a result of a blow to the head. These are the most common causes of a non-traumatic brain injury:

·        Stroke (leading cause)

·        Lack of oxygen (hypoxia)

·        Tumors

·        Other illness such as cancer

·        Brain infections or inflammation

·        Other infections

·        Seizure disorder

·        Chronic substance use

 

So given that information it becomes clear I would think that brain injury is far more common than we might think. And a good reminder that it can happen to anyone.

Symptoms may  include but are not limited to ;

• Headache
• Difficulty problem solving
• Time management challenges
• Perseveration (focusing on one particular subject or issue and unable to “let it go” or the tendency of an idea to stick in your mind or recur, or getting stuck on something mentally and not being able to shift gears
• difficulty coordinating balance
• blurred vision in one or both eyes
• milder vision problems
• seizures
• changes in sensory perception
• trouble speaking and swallowing
• personality changes
• difficulty forming sentences or choosing vocabulary
• confusion
• trouble communicating
• difficulty with reason, focus and logic
• memory impairments
• having a “short fuse”
•  impulse control
• depression
•      grief ( loss of the old " normal"  among other things)

· 

·      What you see above is not an exhaustive list and each individual experiences differently, they may not include all symptoms, or there may be some seen I have not shared. The range can be from Post-concussion Syndrome, to severe Brain injury affecting motor function, speech, and executive function.

WHAT YOU DO NOT SEE HERE IS LOSS OF INTELLIGENCE!!!

My mother lived with an acquired brain injury as a result of severe meningitis, and yet she was sharp as a tack till the day she dies, so much so that my nephew spoke of her at her funeral “I don’t know if Grandma even knew what Google was, but she knew more!”

Living with Brain injury was described very simply and very well by an adult survivor of a traumatic brain injury I provided supports to many years ago, “it’s like the bridge is out, and cannot be rebuilt in the same place. You can still get across the river but not the way you used to “

Similarly you can still function quite normally but some skills will by necessity change.

What that requires from the individual, is patience, determination, and heart, and trust me it takes all they have!!!

What it requires from us is

STAY OUT OF JUDGEMENT, CHOOSE GRACE AND COMPASSION, HONOR THE INDIVIDUALS INTELIGENCE AND ABILITY

Is it easy? Especially when it is a close family member. A spouse, a parent, a sibling, or an in-law? Nope not even a little bit, but if they can overcome the challenges is it that much to ask you to meet them halfway? Also bear in mind however challenging it may feel they are LIVING with the brain injury , the alternative is them not being with us at all.

Grace over judgement, empathy over ego.

But for the grace of God there go I

Just this

Love the ugly duckling before he becomes a swan,
 the one who is different before she gives in and conforms.
The shy,and the fearful,the quietly courageous, and the lonely .
The ones who are not bright shining stars every day
 but are a simple candle to warm
 and guide you should you chose to let them.
Then, you will know love.
 And can be loved for just who you are,
not for who you think you should be .

That is all 

hmm some of it fits but ...

"Happy Birthday May 2" the Birthday of Inquisitive Honesty
Power Thought...“The more kind and gentle I am, the more positive energy I have”
Your greatest challenge is…learning to be more sensitive to the feelings of others.
The way forward is…to understand that people can find it hard to cope with the truth; a gentler way of introducing them to it is needed.

You’re drawn to people born on…June 22 to July 23
You share a passion for communication and a need for security, and this can create an intense and stimulating union.

Luck maker...Everyone is a potential luck maker
Lucky people understand that there should always be time for politeness, helpfulness, sensitivity, and caring because you never know who could eventually be of help.

People born on May 2 have a no-nonsense approach to life, believing in results not theories. Although others admire them for their intellectual gifts and ability to organize their original thoughts with logical coherence, they do have a tendency to express themselves bluntly. Fiercely honest, they don’t ever set out to wound others as they are naturally inclined toward cooperation and harmony; they simply believe that the best way to effect improvement is to tell others exactly how it is.

These people are blessed with inquisitiveness and great insight into the workings of the human mind. It’s not easy to fool them and they don’t believe in pulling the wool over anyone’s eyes. They will be respected for their intelligence and honesty but their bluntness may sometimes come across as insensitivity, earning them unnecessary enemies. They should use their intelligence and insight into human nature to avoid this. They also should avoid gossiping; even though this is not fueled by malice but more by their natural curiosity, it can upset others. Respecting the privacy of others is important between the ages of nineteen and forty-nine, during which there is an emphasis on communication and exchanging ideas. After the age of forty-nine they may feel the growing importance of getting in touch with their own feelings as well as those of others.

As perfectionists, they often shine in whatever task is set them and motivate others to emulate their fantastic organizational skills. Although they can work well in a team, they are at their most productive when they are making an individual contribution. This desire to work alone can cross over to their personal life; and their private life is exactly that—private. Despite their reticence, they are at their happiest when they feel supported by friends and family.

These people are, above all, intelligent and caring; if they can listen to the honest advice they give others and apply it to themselves, they have the potential to achieve outstanding success, whatever path in life they choose.

On the dark side...Tactless, demanding, workaholic

At your best...Generous, ambitious, realistic

Love 50/50

In relationships there may be a tendency for people born on May 2 to hold back or keep a part of themselves hidden. They may choose to mask this by behavior that is controlling, smothering or self-sacrificing. They often fall for the underdog or people with problems, but to feel fulfilled in a relationship they need to aim for a 50/50 partnership in which both partners give and take equally.

Health Vacations are a must

People born on this day need to be careful that they don’t work themselves too hard in their quest to achieve results as this will cause them stress and damage their personal relationships. As important as their work is to them, they will be more productive if they learn to identify less with it and seek out opportunities to explore other interests. Regular vacations or time off work are a must and they should resist the tendency to work through their holiday. As far as diet is concerned, they need to make sure they eat plenty of whole grains, fruits, and vegetables and get their mood-boosting essential fats from oily fish, nuts, and seeds. Regular exercise is essential, and they will find walking or jogging particularly beneficial. Wearing, meditating on or surrounding themselves with the color yellow will encourage them to feel more optimistic and self-confident.

Career Born surgeons

These people have a marked potential for success in the technical side of the caring professions, such as medicine or scientific research, but also in advertising, media and writing and acting. Social reform, building and management will also appeal, but in whatever field they choose to specialize, their luck and opportunities will often come through work.

Destiny To work for the common good

The life path of people born on this day is to learn to become more aware of the impact their words and deeds can have on others. Once they have become more self-aware, their destiny is to work for the common good.

May 2
Signs & symbols
Sun sign: Taurus
Ruling planet: Venus, the lover
Symbol: The Bull
Birth date ruler: Moon, the intuitive
*Tarot card: The High Priestess (intuition)
Favorable numbers: 2, 7
Lucky days: Friday and Monday, especially when these days fall on 2 and 7 of the month
Lucky colors: Pale blue, silver, green
Birthstone: Emerald


~Your Personality by Birthday
*The High Priestess -Shadowscapes Tarot ©Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

The Impossible

A powerful song with a message we all need to remember . That is all for now 

My dad chased monsters from the dark
He checked underneath my bed
He could lift me with one arm way up over top his headHe could loosen rusty bolts with a quick turn of his wrench
He pulled splinters from his handAnd never even flinched
In thirteen years I'd never seen him cry
But the day that grandpa died, I realized
Unsinkable ships sink, unbreakable walls breakSometimes the things you think would never happenHappen just like that unbendable steel bendsIf the fury of the wind is unstoppableI've learned to never underestimate the impossible
Then there was my junior year, Billy had a brand new carIt was late, the road was wet
I guess the curve was just too sharpI walked away without a scratch they brought the helicopter in
Billy couldn't feel his legs, said he'd never walk againBut Billy said he would
And his mom and daddy prayedAnd the day we graduated, he stood up to say
"Unsinkable ships sink, unbreakable walls breakSometimes the things you think would never happenHappen just like that, unbendable steel bendsIf the fury of the wind is unstoppableI've learned to never underestimate the impossible"
So don't tell me that it's over, don't give up on you and me'Cos there's no such thing as hopeless if you believe
Unsinkable ships sink, unbreakable walls breakSometimes the things you think would never happenHappen just like that, unbendable steel bendsIf the fury of the wind is unstoppableI've learned to never underestimate the impossible


 

My kryptonite

There are so many things we all can handle and most all of the women on this blog are as tough as they come, but we all have that one thing,that  just is well our kryptonite . For me it isn't a big thing, more a number of little things.As a child , I was often afraid of what my mother would and could do. Her moods were volatile, and she was often angry and hurtful ,  for no clear reason. This post is not really about her or my childhood except to say  that feeling of fear and being constantly unsure and off balance is in fact still with me and it is my kryptonite .
I can handle stress ,and pain, crisis after crisis, but my home needs to be my safe place . I need to know I can walk in the door and not be worried if I am "in trouble " Now Martin doesn't  do that exactly, but he has bad days too, when those bad days  string into  2 or 3 though , I panic, I am on edge and at odds . he has had a cold this week and  well frankly been bitchy ! with his dad  falling ill again , and my needing to rush him to hospital, I needed home to be, well my den, and Martins reaction to stress is to get more bitchy . I finally said to him "you need to stop, and explained that horrible panicked  feeling I was having . Luckily I have a good hubby who even on his worst day does not  want to put me through hell, so he listened and is actively trying to do better, but dang!
I know this  post is not my best writing , but I am having a hard time  keeping that scared little girl at bay at the moment . Writing this down does help , and as soon as I can draw a  good deep breath I will likely feel silly for this being my downfall, till the next time .
Love to you all .
So what is your kryptonite super women?

Careful what you ask for ! and billable hours

A few comments about crickets, and I was wondering if I would  post again here on the blog. Seems I lost my  mojo here for a while. Could be a good thing , or could be bad. I have been busy with family issues. I try to help but sometimes I friggen wonder about the rest of them. Hubby's fam are all very free to call me and ask for help advice insight etc at any given time, and sometimes they even listen . a few weeks ago I was happily sleigh riding with  hubby and friends and my cell phone rang , was my SIL  wanting to  have me explain each of the meds  my FIL is on. No prob, jingling all the way ! SO she was there all afternoon sorting stuff out . All good , till I got home and got the text... a list of things to pick up for her dad on my way to town the next day? Ok fine EXCEPT SHE WAS RIGHT THERE 3 BLOCKS FROM THE STORE????Whatever  ,so dropping off 75 bucks worth of groceries for dad in law , no prob, he fed Martin all these  years, then he says ,"Oh by the way you are supposed to take me to  daughter #1 s house  before you leave. No call , no would ya, could ya from her  just do it .
I know this sounds like a non stop bitch but here is the thing , I have also been taking care to see that Martins Mom is doing OK and he has some contact with her, the rest have written her off.AND dealing with my own aging parents!  As I said  no concern for my time or freedom they  just  demand what and when  they want things and the youngest brother? well don't get me started on that pompous ass!
I commented about all of this to  the therapist I work with and his suggestion was hand out business cards (my Alberta Health services ones ) with my fee schedule on the back and appointment cards the next time someone demands of my time .
A little much maybe???
Anyhow , thanks all for checking in , I will try to keep this blog up and get some good stuff on here too

Letting go

I will preface this  with the note that this is about my family and I and the fact that no matter how many times I said  Martin and I were done with the adoption thing they seemed to hold out hope , which is good , except when we recently decided to close the file altogether they suddenly cried "What ? you never told us " and a huge fight ensued. We , will all be fine  but I felt compelled to write this at 2 am. Good night  my friends sleep well. and We will go on to brighter days ! 

Just because you didn’t hear

Doesn’t mean I didn’t say it

The choice was never yours to make

Your anger cannot sway it

We tried; we prayed we did our best

There’s nothing more we can do

Sometimes the only thing that’s left

Is the thing we cannot argue

Let go, move on

Take on each day

With a different outlook

It’s not the end , just different now

We turn the page on our book

Someday I hope you understand

Why these tears do glisten

I didn’t ask for all that much

Just simply that you listen