so I woke up last night in a terrible state, angry , anxious and generally not a happy girl! My mind was whirling around a subject I though I had laid to rest. The issue of adoption. I have had zero contact from the agency in over 6 months , and frankly although I thought Martin and I had let it go and moved on , I am still pissed! We had not told them were removing ourselves from the program , yet .
It seems to me with all these kids that are available that we should have matched with more than one in 4 yrs but whatever. The little guy we supposedly matched with has FASD , the one thing I said I could not would not accept (it is simply a safety issue on a farm . ) Martin asked at the time if we matched with this child because they truly believed it was a match or because of what I do for a living . We never did get a true answer , more waffling and well maybes. I know with adoption we need to be prepared for a child who would not necessarily be like one we would have had ourselves , but there is some room for reasonable expectations . While there is the risk of genetic disorders, and disabilities with any pregnancy . I a can say with certainty I personally have little or no chance even if fertility was not an issue to give birth to and African American crack addicted Fetal Alcohol affected infant .
Anyhow , I am settled down now , just seemed to need to accept those feelings that were lurking . Forgive the rant . I am seriously considering writing a letter to the agency asking them where their heads are at seeing as I have also heard several news reports of infants being injured or killed by foster and adoptive parents.(yup they were a great match weren't they?)
And some day I will tell my story in completion of Martin's and my dead end journey into , or rather not into parenthood .
K rant and bitch fest over . Feeling a bunch better now
seriously?
Here is the thing, at least in my world , to impress a man and keep him , be honest be loving , and frankly if you want sex , be there! no lace , g strings etc required . And if you have to pole dance , and wear $100 panties to get him going??? well do it if it makes you feel good . Most normal guys are happy with a cotton nightie , as long as you take it off!
Just my opinion
Random thoughts on hypocrasy
I have a few friends and family members who are unfortunately on FB and I cannot say what I really think in this without starting a "forum " for their particular soap boxes , so I am back here venting !
To the vegan animal rights activist who feels they have the right to tell me I am crewel for eating beef
"How many soy beans exactly were killed to make your leather shoes??"
Remember , before you scream at me that "meat is murder" While wearing your leather shoes and jacket , and carrying your leather purse .
Think , once you had it skinned did you think it would survive? Somebody has to eat it and clean up your mess!
OK now that I have that off my chest here are some funnies for the weekend !
not really related to the post , but they made me smile
To the vegan animal rights activist who feels they have the right to tell me I am crewel for eating beef
"How many soy beans exactly were killed to make your leather shoes??"
Remember , before you scream at me that "meat is murder" While wearing your leather shoes and jacket , and carrying your leather purse .
Think , once you had it skinned did you think it would survive? Somebody has to eat it and clean up your mess!
OK now that I have that off my chest here are some funnies for the weekend !
not really related to the post , but they made me smile
competitive spirit?
When did it become necessary to climb all over someone else to make yourself look bigger brighter smarter?
I see this again and again in my life . I do somethings very well in my life. one of those things is working with horses . I get asked to help ,someone, because they are unable to accomplish a task. No thank you s no acknowledgement . Just do it and go home. Yet when the dust has settled , they suddenly feel the need to tell me how to do things ???? WTF
An example is Dandy (my yearling) I have worked very hard and getting him settled and standing well for the farrier . I was successful. He was an absolute prince .In conversation with ,you guessed it my SIL, she says "oh well its easy for you with appys after all they are not big and blah blah like a warmblood ! WTF It is me who went over 3 yrs in a row to halter break her gifcukingnormous yearlings, why ? BECAUSE SHE AND HER DAUGHTER COULD NOT GET IT DONE !!!
Now she is advising me all I have to do is use a Chifney and everyone will mind me like nobodies business!. Have you seen one of those suckers??? She did concede they use 2 leads on on the bit and one on the halter (no shit??) One thing I have struggled with about them is leading with a chain. IO was there a week or so ago , and saw my niece struggling with a 4yr old , would not come out of the round pen ,heads up like a freakin giraffe while she tugged on the chain! I stepped in took the lead , had him dropping his head in oh I don't know 3 seconds ,and he walked out nicely with me ! 5 min later I am hearing how working with warmbloods is sooo much more difficult than my Tiny appys! Whatever!
Why am I ranting about this . They took Eurus for me when he came home so thin and I had no where to house him. Angela is a great girl and an extremely capable rider who has turned Eurus from whack job warmblood into a steady eddy who in fact makes them the, Breeders look WONDERFUL, he is a solid calm steady horse who can jump,do dressage, and hack out .Hell the kid bails on bareback and rides him with a halter .This is a horse they bred , and yet I raised him here (ya know ,me , dumb as dirt bumpkin! ) Angela had him started and has continued his training , and he is no fire breathing dragon???yet a horse from the same sire and dam on their place????
Ang is keeping Eurus there for the winter as they have an indoor arena, and she rode there yesterday , first thing I heard was "Oh Rene had to give her some pointers! " Well maybe about riding but is sure as fcuk wasn't ground handling!!!!!
How about appreciate the kid for the work she has done (she rode Renee's colt when no one else could!) instead if knocking her every move .5 months from now she is going to be a licensed veterinarian,n I am pretty sure she KNOWS HOW TO WRAP A FCUKING LEG!
Anyhow , I don't believe in that , nor do I many of there training techniques . And if I continue to be so underwhelmed by their appreciation of my efforts , they may very likely find me far to busy training my own super simple horse rather than taking on the Oh soo dangerous and skillful challenge of theirs!
K next post will be less rant more insight...I hope
I see this again and again in my life . I do somethings very well in my life. one of those things is working with horses . I get asked to help ,someone, because they are unable to accomplish a task. No thank you s no acknowledgement . Just do it and go home. Yet when the dust has settled , they suddenly feel the need to tell me how to do things ???? WTF
An example is Dandy (my yearling) I have worked very hard and getting him settled and standing well for the farrier . I was successful. He was an absolute prince .In conversation with ,you guessed it my SIL, she says "oh well its easy for you with appys after all they are not big and blah blah like a warmblood ! WTF It is me who went over 3 yrs in a row to halter break her gifcukingnormous yearlings, why ? BECAUSE SHE AND HER DAUGHTER COULD NOT GET IT DONE !!!
Now she is advising me all I have to do is use a Chifney and everyone will mind me like nobodies business!. Have you seen one of those suckers??? She did concede they use 2 leads on on the bit and one on the halter (no shit??) One thing I have struggled with about them is leading with a chain. IO was there a week or so ago , and saw my niece struggling with a 4yr old , would not come out of the round pen ,heads up like a freakin giraffe while she tugged on the chain! I stepped in took the lead , had him dropping his head in oh I don't know 3 seconds ,and he walked out nicely with me ! 5 min later I am hearing how working with warmbloods is sooo much more difficult than my Tiny appys! Whatever!
Why am I ranting about this . They took Eurus for me when he came home so thin and I had no where to house him. Angela is a great girl and an extremely capable rider who has turned Eurus from whack job warmblood into a steady eddy who in fact makes them the, Breeders look WONDERFUL, he is a solid calm steady horse who can jump,do dressage, and hack out .Hell the kid bails on bareback and rides him with a halter .This is a horse they bred , and yet I raised him here (ya know ,me , dumb as dirt bumpkin! ) Angela had him started and has continued his training , and he is no fire breathing dragon???yet a horse from the same sire and dam on their place????
Ang is keeping Eurus there for the winter as they have an indoor arena, and she rode there yesterday , first thing I heard was "Oh Rene had to give her some pointers! " Well maybe about riding but is sure as fcuk wasn't ground handling!!!!!
How about appreciate the kid for the work she has done (she rode Renee's colt when no one else could!) instead if knocking her every move .5 months from now she is going to be a licensed veterinarian,n I am pretty sure she KNOWS HOW TO WRAP A FCUKING LEG!
Anyhow , I don't believe in that , nor do I many of there training techniques . And if I continue to be so underwhelmed by their appreciation of my efforts , they may very likely find me far to busy training my own super simple horse rather than taking on the Oh soo dangerous and skillful challenge of theirs!
K next post will be less rant more insight...I hope
Will you be there
When your burdens in life ,
become to heavy to bear
call out to me , I will be riight there
To reach out my hand, to help you along
to listen to you , and to pray and be strong
The weight of our world is too often to much
but so easily balanced with a kind heart and touch
A shoulder to lean on , a warm hand to hold
a comfort like a blanket , brings you in from the cold
When your burdens are lightened ,
and you are rested again
Life moving forward ,to the light again
tell me this one thing
it is only fair
When my burdens get heavy
will you be there?
were we ever free like that ?
I watched some children play today
I watched while I was on my way
to fix a tire and another task
I stopped myself ,just to ask
Were we ever free like that?
Could we ever play like that
before we weighed down with this and that
were we ever free like that
A child's joy ,seen through adult eyes
brings a tear , there is no surprise
the joy and abandon that they share
seems lost to us in a world of care
For just today I close my eyes
and fly on a swing to reach the sky
or slide on a slide , just in my mind
and leave the grownup world behind
For with the sun tomorrow will bring
reality with its own sting
worries and trials , we face each day
leaves such little time to play
Shackles of this life it seems ,
takes up all our time and dreams
Hard work and ,toil is where its at
But oh! just to be free like that!
I watched while I was on my way
to fix a tire and another task
I stopped myself ,just to ask
Were we ever free like that?
Could we ever play like that
before we weighed down with this and that
were we ever free like that
A child's joy ,seen through adult eyes
brings a tear , there is no surprise
the joy and abandon that they share
seems lost to us in a world of care
For just today I close my eyes
and fly on a swing to reach the sky
or slide on a slide , just in my mind
and leave the grownup world behind
For with the sun tomorrow will bring
reality with its own sting
worries and trials , we face each day
leaves such little time to play
Shackles of this life it seems ,
takes up all our time and dreams
Hard work and ,toil is where its at
But oh! just to be free like that!
Another start at this
As with the other , this blogs posts have been lost . I cannot go back and rewrite them , nor can I access them again.They have served their purpose and we need to move forward I guess.
That said ,I think it may be worth resurrecting , at least for a time so here in its rebirth is my first entry .
That said ,I think it may be worth resurrecting , at least for a time so here in its rebirth is my first entry .
Do you think you know me well?
Funny you can never tell
If what you see is all for real
Or what part of me do I conceal
A laugh a smile
A ready joke
Tough as nails
Or is it smoke
All brave and strong
Is what I sell
But take a look beneath the shell
A tender heart, so easily broken
By hurtful things, both done and spoken
I cover well, don’t share my fears
And I try hard not to show my tears
If you take a second glance,
Look deeper now, and take a chance
See all of me, both good and bad
The heart you never knew I had
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)